My aunt and cousin came to visit me last Saturday. Being here alone, I love when people come up to visit. It is a highlight. Although our three and a half days adventuring my city together were fantastic, it unpredictably concluded on a sad note.
We were paying our bill at The Spotted Pig Monday night, when my cousin received a phone call. It was her mom’s neighbor. She had walked in her mom’s apartment next door and found her laying on the floor completely unconscious. She was calling just as the ambulance was putting her in the bus and rushing her to the hospital. Since she isn’t a relative, the medics wouldn’t give her any information so she had none to give us. As my cousin stood in front of the restaurant, cupping her head in her hands and my aunt hailing a cab, I tried to nudge the neighbor for more information. She had nothing more to tell me. And despite my wanting to push her for more, I knew she had nothing else to give me so I thanked her and hung up the phone before jumping in the cab back to my apartment in Brooklyn.
While we drove down the street, I looked up the hospital and my cousin, Stacia, called to get the latest update. Aunt Reeva quietly contemplated the next possible steps we could take from 1,700 miles away. Since she had just arrived in the ER the nurse couldn’t really say much, other than she was there and they were working on her. Stacia left her number to be called later for an update. We fell asleep about an hour after getting home, waiting for a call back.
Around four in the morning, I woke up on the chaise, looked over to see Aunt Reeva missing and someone crying in my room. I jumped up and rushed to the doorway in just enough time to overhear the last part of a phone conversation with the neighbor and her boyfriend. She hung up and continued to cry harder, I ran to sit on the other side of Stacia, with Aunt Reeva on the other. Aunt Genie had suffered a massive stroke and as far as they could tell she was unresponsive, in conjunction with various other health conditions it wasn’t good. Stacia was overwhelmed and ran to the bathroom to vomit- she is Aunt Genie’s medical guardian and would ultimately have to make some decisions when the time came, which seemed nearby. Aunt Reeva and I sat on the side of the bed for a moment taking it in before the phone rang- it was the hospital. They confirmed the neighbor’s assessment and began to ask about medical history, D.N.R’s and final decisions. Aunt Reeva and I lingered in the hallway outside the bathroom quietly talking about what could happen next. There was a computer issue at the hospital and they couldn’t find Aunt Genie’s paperwork so they needed to know the basics, plus needed to know about the D.N.R in case something happened overnight before the doctor came in at 7a, eight in NYC. We gathered in the living room, eventually talking about other things before Stacia went to bed and we shortly followed suite.
The next morning, the last hours of their visit, we woke up and raced to Canal street to buy some NYC souvenirs for them to take home. Stacia and I introduced Aunt Reeva to dumplings at the dumpling house next door to the souvenir shop then headed to Macy’s on 34th street. It seemed like the night before hadn’t happened, it was like a strange feeling that you knew was real but seemed somewhat like a dream. We were standing in the subway station when Aunt Reeva presented the subject by offering to go with Stacia to the hospital once they got back. I asked Stacia if she would be okay with me calling my mom while they were on the plane. She told she had called her that morning before I woke up to get her up to speed. With her phonically unavailable on the plane, my mom would be the next in line regarding medical status. We timed our visit in Macy’s to 35 minutes before we needed to get back to the apartment so they could pack their bags and kind of relax for a while before heading to the airport. Once the cab drove away, I came back in the house and called my mom. She didn’t answer so I laid back down on the couch and fell asleep.
The whole rest of this week has been filled with text message updates and family phone calls. All seeming to result in bad news, just as imagined considering the initial news. Stacia’s been stronger than I could even imagine I’d be if I were even brave enough to imagine myself in this situation. She’s undesirably made the tough decisions while consulting with momma, Aunt Reeva and another much older cousin. And despite having their backing, she’s had to struggle with making the right and best decision for her mom’s end of life. Now almost a week later, Aunt Genie has been transported to a hospice center as we all just wait. At the current rate, and somewhat per the doctor, our wait won’t be long.
Even though I realize there’s really not much I can do, this is one of those moments when I’m sad I moved. I won’t be there for the final visit and most likely won’t be there for the funeral whenever it happens. It is an insurmountably difficult time to lose a parent or a sibling and for that I don’t really feel like I need to worry about if I’m displaying the correct emotions, but instead focus on Stacia, momma and the rest of my aunts and uncles. So for that I haven’t cried- It’s hard to comfort people via telephone when your voice is filled with tears and the idea of asking them how they are doing while crying just didn’t seem to mesh well in my mind. Through it all I couldn’t ask for a more amazing family though- the way everyone has stood by Stacia so diligently. It’s ironic how not even a week ago I was celebrating the reuniting of my New York family at a beautiful wedding and now my family’s reuniting for a death. I guess life is just crazy like that. It does prove families- whether it’s the one you’re born with or the ones you’ve created- will stick together in moments of happiness and moments of sadness.
Conquering New York 